Qualities of a Loving Dominant

The Gentlemanly Art of Dominance

Qualities of a loving Dominant

Within the theatrical play of discipline and your role of Master, Mistress or Authoritarian it is essential that you consider the following elements of your self before spanking any naughty bottoms!

Understanding and Accepting Yourself:

You need to be able to look into yourself and to really understand your own wants, needs and desires, and how these needs interact with those of your submissive lover. During sensual BDSM play you need to be aware of your own qualities and limitations.


Communication is the vital, life giving, essence of any relationship. For games of Dominance and Submission it is essential you share your fantasies and desires, and your limitations within games of discipline. Talk with your lover about the games you wish to play, discover new possibilities, and watch for a reaction within your partner, sometimes you may find she wants you to command her, she may prefer it if you demand her to submit to your desires. The role of the dominant is to be honest and truthful in your communication, to share concerns and delights, and to always be aware of safety (that of yourself and your submissive lover). Don’t hide your emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas and thoughts. Don’t tell your submissive what you think she wants to hear. Honesty is the basis of trust.


The ability to feel and understand the physical, sensual, emotional, mental and spiritual needs of your submissive lover is absolutely essential – particularly if a good spanking session pushes her boundaries a little.


When instructing your submissive to ready herself for discipline you should always show proper manners. Your commands should commence with “Please”, and your pleasure should be displayed with “Thank You”. The tone, pitch and pace of your voice will be highly erotic to her, enhancing play, and arousing her desire. Your instructions should be firm yet fair and spoken in a courteous manner.


Authority, confidence and an intelligent manner during any BDSM or spanking play scene is essential to ensure your demands are met. Your confidence will heighten her desire and love for you. Being firm whilst positioning her body in readiness to receive her discipline is admirable.


A loving, successful dominant has the intelligence and willingness to learn the correct method of administering discipline, he will practise with instruments such as paddles, whips and floggers before using them on his partner. The art of domination as also about the desire to learn what pleases your submissive and to remember those things – observe her body language if her pleasure is not expressed verbally.


This is a very important trait in a dominant. It is the ability to uphold your personal honour and remain true to any agreement between you and your submissive. It is about the loyalty of love for your partner, watching her body for signs of distress and pleasure, and knowing when to call an end to play.


A good dominant has patience, and an enquiring mind. It is the characteristic of learning new skills, be allowing them to develop within oneself. A loving dominant has the understanding to realise it takes time for his lover to learn all the intricacies of discipline games. It is about being patient, teaching your submissive what you prefer, and learning from her what she desires.


Pride in your dominance is a thing of masculine beauty. Recognize the pride within you as your voice commands her and she willingly obeys. Recognize the pride within you as she positions herself at your firmly whispered command. Feel the pride within you as you give her the ultimate pleasure and ecstasy of orgasm whilst her wrists are restrained. Feel the pride within you as the cheeks of her bottom redden and sends such sensual tingles throughout her whole being. And feel the pride at sharing something special between the two of you.


A successful dominant will show respect at all times. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself, and increase the desire of willing submissive within your lover.


A good dominant has a sense of responsibility and will act in a manner that will keep himself and his submissive lover safe from harm. He will take responsibility for his own actions, and will admit making a mistake – when one is made.

Self Control

A good dominant understands himself and is in control of his own behaviour before playing games of discipline.

Self Respect:

A good dominant will value himself and respects his own limits.


A dominant serves his submissive lover by and through his dominance during special games. He intelligently applies his dominant nature, and understands the physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual desires and needs of his lover.

The Key to Erotic Power Exchange

A good dominant mutually serves the submissive. A successful dominant remembers that without a submissive, there is no such thing as a dominant. And that to receive the submission of a person is a gift. He will therefore cherish that gift, and always do his best to uphold it and never abuse it. This is the key to an erotic and sensual exchange of power.

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Saskia Zenn

About the Author… Saskia Zenn has worked for the last fifteen years in Marketing and PR. Over the course of her career, Saskia has managed all forms of Public Relations and Marketing campaigns for several high-profile and international organisations, and it is this flair and creativity which she brings to the new Tickleberry website.

“Becoming a co-owner of Tickleberry is a fantastic opportunity for me to bring together my personal and professional passions to create a really meaningful resource website for the BDSM community.”