Spank Holiday Weekend

Been naughty this summer?

Well, I think it’s time you made amends. And we’ll begin with a good paddling. Or a flogging, perhaps? Have you been that bad? You did what?! Pull down your pants and get over that chair! It’s the cane for you and it’s going to hurt.

Of course, there’s much more to corporal punishment than simply inflicting pain on your sub. And the subtle art of corrective pleasure requires the needs of both parties to be met. Exhilarating, thrilling and orgasmic with the potential to be destructive and devastating, corporal punishment takes both of you into an emotional arena not experienced in ordinary relationships. It needs to be executed properly, and with care, to ensure both parties enjoy a mutual reward through pain.

Although written from the perspective of the Dominant, this brief guide should be read by submissive partners as well. It’s for both of you to engage fully, and enjoy freely, the pleasure of pain.

1: Understanding and Accepting Yourself:
Self awareness is the key here. You need to be able to look into yourself and to really understand your own wants, needs and desires, and how these needs interact with those of your submissive lover. During sensual BDSM play you need to be aware of your own qualities and limitations. Be aware of your motivation to do this. How this is shaped by your relationship with the submissive. Compare what you want to achieve with what they want to achieve. Try to discover where you do not meet and how your emotions diverge at this point. This is where you will also discover most about each other. This is the fertile void, the darkest point where your relationship can reach new dimensions.

2: Communication:
All BDSM relationships rely on this. Communication is a vital, life giving, essence for games of Dominance and Submission. You should always share your fantasies and desires, and make clear your limitations within games of discipline. Talk with your lover about the games you wish to play. Take time to discover new possibilities and watch for a reaction within your partner. Sometimes you may find she wants you to command her, she may prefer it if you demand her to submit to your desires. The role of the dominant is to be honest and truthful in your communication, to share concerns and delights, and to always be aware of safety (that of yourself and your submissive lover). Don’t hide your emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas and thoughts. Don’t tell your submissive what you think she wants to hear. Honesty is the basis of trust.
Impact Cane
3: Compassion and courtesy:
The ability to feel and understand the physical, sensual, emotional, mental and spiritual needs of your submissive lover is absolutely essential – particularly if a good spanking session pushes her boundaries a little. When instructing your submissive to ready herself for discipline you should always show proper manners. Your commands should commence with “Please”, and your pleasure should be displayed with “Thank You”. The tone, pitch and pace of your voice will be highly erotic to her, enhancing play, and arousing her desire. Your instructions should be firm yet fair and spoken in a courteous manner.

4: Grace:
Authority, confidence and an intelligent manner during any BDSM or spanking play scene is essential to ensure your demands are met. Your confidence will heighten her desire and love for you. Being firm whilst positioning her body in readiness to receive her discipline is admirable.

5: Intelligence:
A loving, successful dominant has the intelligence and willingness to learn the correct method of administering discipline. Practise with instruments such as paddles, whips and floggers before using them on your partner. The art of domination as also about the desire to learn what pleases your submissive and to remember those things – observe her body language if her pleasure is not expressed verbally.

6: Loyalty:
This is a very important trait in a dominant. It is the ability to uphold your personal honour and remain true to any agreement between you and your submissive. It is about the loyalty of love for your partner, watching her body for signs of distress and pleasure, and knowing when to call an end to play. You are there to protect as well as punish.
7: Patience:
Try to develop a patient and enquiring mind. Understand that learning new skills involves allowing them to develop within oneself. A loving dominant has the understanding to realise it takes time for his lover to learn all the intricacies of discipline games. It is about being patient, teaching your submissive what you prefer, and learning from her what she desires.

8: Pride:
Pride in your dominance is a thing of masculine beauty. Recognize the pride within you as your voice commands her and she willingly obeys. Recognize the pride within you as she positions herself at your firmly whispered command. Feel the pride within you as you give her the ultimate pleasure and ecstasy of orgasm whilst her wrists are restrained. Feel the pride within you as the cheeks of her bottom redden and sends such sensual tingles throughout her whole being. And feel the pride at sharing something special between the two of you.

9: Respect:
A successful dominant will show respect at all times. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself, and increases the desire of willing submissive within your lover.
Remember that, as the dominant, you serve your submissive lover through your dominance during special games. Intelligently apply your dominant nature, and understand the desires and needs of his lover.

10: Responsibility
Hand-in-hand with respect goes responsibility. Develop a sense of responsibility and will act in a manner that will keep you and your submissive lover safe from harm. Understand and value yourself, and always take responsibility for your own actions. You must always be in control of your own behavior when playing games of discipline.

The Key to Erotic Power Exchange
A good dominant mutually serves the submissive. A successful dominant remembers that without a submissive, there is no such thing as a dominant. And that to receive the submission of a person is a gift. He will therefore cherish that gift, and always do his best to uphold it and never abuse it. This is the key to an erotic and sensual exchange of power.

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Mark Tomblesen

About the Author … Mark Tomblesen is a Creative Director with a digital media firm in London. He has worked in the video and DM fields since the mid Nineties.

“BDSM and Fetish are reaching out to a whole new audience and Tickleberry has been created to meet the everyday needs of the growing BDSM community. It’s been really great to be a part of this.”